One of those nights

At 2 I woke to the smell of smoke. Not house fire smoke but cigarette smoke. I wasn't alarmed, but I was furious. Bolting out of bed, I stalked the household to find the culprit. Smoking! Who was smoking! Stealth-smoking in the house at 2 a.m.! How dare!

No one was smoking. Everyone was sound asleep and clearly had been for hours.

I returned to bed, puzzled. Can you dream an odor?

At 3 I woke to the sickly sweet smell of ... what? Candy syrup? A General Mills factory emission? It was a sugar-frosted fragrance, the sickliest, sweetest smell I could imagine, and completely unidentifiable. I didn't even get up, just fell back asleep convinced I was having a series of small strokes. ("Honey, do you smell burning feathers????") I hoped I wouldn't be paralyzed by dawn.

At 4:15 a skunk graced the area so heavily it woke me up coughing. At least I thought it did. I sleep with the windows closed, and the dog outside wasn't barking. Was it live, or was it Memorex?

I lay there wondering and breathing through my pillow until the alarm went off at 5, at which point Steve said, "Do you smell a skunk?" Thank god.

The rest is just a mystery.


  1. I had a craving for Chesterfields and a pancake but we were out of Karo. Sorry if this was a problem.

  2. When I was pregnant I smelled phantom odors. Just saying ...

  3. Did anyone besides me notice all the "rid your home of smoke odors" ads on this page? Kelly, maybe it's time to make that call......