Pages

Please annoy the living crap out of everyone on the plane

Poor dear. Having a little extra allergies this spring? Having a bit of a reaction to the dry air in the airplane? Suffering some upper respiratory disturbance, a touch of postnasal drip? Still, so dedicated to your laptop and spreadsheets. Stoically taking care of business, all over your tray table and mine. You must be very powerful and busy. Can't waste a minute getting well. We understand your need to snort deeply every 20 seconds without fail for two hours and nine minutes. You must not have time to remember to bring a tissue or take a Benadryl. Don't give it another thought. We couldn't possibly mind listening to this tubercular horror. In fact, we love hearing you blithely suck snot into your brainpan. Even more than the coughing and spewing. Please, go right ahead, big guy. It's starting to be funny. Laughable, I mean. Who's a sexy Snuffleupagus? No, don't apologize. I imagine you don't even notice the roar. The entire plane will also not notice this hysterical breach of manners because we are too polite to embarrass you further than you've embarrassed yourself. We'll just try not think about Legionnaire's. We'll just sit quietly bathing in our three ounces of gel sanitizer (thank God we remembered it) and praying for fussy twin toddlers to sit next to us on the connecting flight. This is how you've changed our perspective. Thank you.

6 comments:

  1. "Who's a sexy Snuffleupagus?"
    Best. Line. Ever.
    Hope the seminar went well.
    Jas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks! The conference was great. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You rock, KJB! And I never knew how to spell the word "Snuffleupagus" either.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks to Bruce RS for leading us to your entry here. Nothing is for ever...not even a snotty encounter like you experienced. Just look at how things have changed behind you. No not there...here...well over here. Anyways...glad to see you doing well. Cheers! Duane
    PS: sxjmfer was the word verification I had to enter to post this LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks, Duane! Lovely to see you here. Come by anytime.

    ReplyDelete