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Personal, for women only

It's the weekend, and the weather's beautiful. Let's find our purple flip-flops, break them out and take our winter-cave-dwelling feet for a walk.

But first, can we talk? Honestly, we can't show these feet outside naked. Not looking like this. Let's lay it out there, and may I just say, stop reading now if you're eating: Our feet need escraped.* Way.

Only one thing will do.

Ped Egg.


That's right. As seen on TV. As glimpsed at our closest pharmacy/liquor store on an end rack for $9.99, passed up by sensible people all day long. Where only a knob would give it serious consideration.

But let's say we did.

Let's say we tried to sneak it into the house unnoticed. I don't know why. Maybe because when somebody did see it when we laid it down for a second to put away the camouflage purchases, they screamed, PED EGG! What is that, that's gross! And laughed and laughed. We knew they would.

That name, it's unsettling. It feels embryonic. Heavy. Pediatric and pregnant at the same time. It verges on obscene: Ped Egg. Preg Egg. Bled egg. Ew, stop. I feel creepy. Could there be a less elegant word? (Right, "blog." Whatever.)

But here's the thing. It works. The Ped Egg escrapes the imperfections from our feet more efficiently than anything ever has, this side of a human professional pedicure provider. It buffs and polishes our heels from a crackly crunch to a silky finish. Our skin is soft and pink and snag-free. Our tootsies can be seen in the great out-of-doors, barefoot at the Dairy Queen, strolling the beach or wearing our purple flips. We have fancy feet.

Get a Ped Egg. Take it home in a paper bag and sneak it into the house if you have to. Or suffer the men who live there. Shape up your beautiful feet and save a bundle on pedicures. Really. You'll love it once you get past the idea of a plastic eggful of your very own skin shavings that look exactly like grated Parmesan cheese.
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* Movie reference, anybody?

9 comments:

  1. Eeewww...that's gross. I prefer not to think about my piles of dead, crumbly skin and pretend that my feet are just always naturally beautiful.

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  2. I looked in two drug stores and both were egg free. Where can I get this do-dad??

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  3. Judy... Try Target... or Amazon sells them too.

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  4. I got mine at Rite-Aid. Walgreens had some as well. Good luck.

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  5. Lucy, we don't want to think about your piles either. Keep on pretending, honey.

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  6. Sometimes, even though it's been a whole year, I still miss our Friday afternoon chats. Although, thankfully, I don't think the Ped Egg would have come up. Ick. (Can you see me shuddering?)

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  7. E! Long time, no gab. How are all the babies? Are you having a nice life? I think about you more than you know. Hope you're great. Thanks for reading, and write anytime.

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  8. You're so sweet! I think about you, too -- and a few others I was sad to leave behind. But I admit -- I had a moment of panic after hitting submit that maybe you would have No Idea who this was. Things are going OK here. I can't believe the youngest is nearly 3 already. I don't see an e-mail link for you, so drop me a note if you'd like to catch up. My first initial, last name, then 00 (two zeros) (at) AOL. (Clear as mud?) :) Warning -- There are several copy editors that can attest to what a VERY BAD e-mail buddy I am. {{Hugs}}

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  9. Oh, I know what you mean. It is so exciting to finally find a product that will help with those heels. Another one is the Microplane personal care. Yep, just like a cheese grater!

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