Monkey Hook changed my life

I was walking the hardware store aisles like the place was a museum, when a five-inch piece of curved wire called to me from a rack.

"No tools!" it said. "Hang Anything on Drywall w/ No Stud!" "Installs by Hand!"

My head did that puzzled-dog thing. Really? Hangs even heavy pictures in seconds? Seriously? No stud required? (That's OK, I already have one.) Yes, it whispered. Then, the slogan: "So Simple... Even Humans Can Do It!"

No hammer, no nails, no Black & Decker? No measuring, no cursing? No kidding? I was skeptical, but it was inexpensive, $3.79 for four wires. I'm a sucker for good design. I couldn't resist the name. Monkey Hook. To go with my beloved Gorilla Glue.

Hi. Tina the Toolman here. Haul out the machinery. Bring on the noise, the lights, the electricity. Bring it. Gun it! LET'S GET A MOVE ON. I can fix ANYTHING. (Not really. But I can trigger a drill just like a-ringin' a bell.)

At home, I went inside a closet to try it, so the damage wouldn't show just in case instead of working like a dream it pulled out a mortifying hunk of wall. Stuck the pointy end into the drywall where I might want to hang a leash, applied about as much pressure with one hand as it takes to scrape dead gum from underneath a desk, gave a twist. It went right through the wall, curved easily through the pinpoint hole and came to a stop at exactly where I wanted it.

Oh, the precision. Exquisite. Worked like it promised. Beautiful. Held a heavy robe, and could have held a heavy teenager. Oh, baby, baby, done deal. I hereby forsake all others. I do.

Hardware freak flag flying. Optimism rewarded! There will be M'Hooks everywhere. How have I lived this long without them? Why didn't someone tell me? Do I gush? So be it. Throw the nails, the screws, the brackets away. The Monkey Hooks are here to stay.

Their slogan should be "No hammer. No nails. No shit."

1 comment:

  1. Monkey hook changed my life, too, But it was a succession of monkey jabs that knocked me out.