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Terms of endearment

My Sunday column referred to my husband as my "housemate," which is what I sometimes call him. It's an offhand term that means nothing in particular.

On Monday a reader left a vicious voicemail ripping me for this "unbelievably politically correct" terminology. In screeching tones -- I'm not exaggerating -- she demanded a clarification. "What is wrong with you! Just say what you mean!"

Silly her.

Of course I meant "arm candy."

"Boytoy."

"Bartender."

"Quartermaster."

"Chief procurement officer."

"Chief executive officer."

"Chief cook and bottlewasher."

"Cabana boy."

"Homework hawk."

"Housedad."

"Guardian of standards and values."

"Domestic god."

"Staggering genius."

He prefers "trophy husband."

Gosh, I hope one of those will suit her. Because I'll be sleepless until I know she's OK.

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