Frog seeks friend with own pad

The world's loudest frog lives at my front door. He's near a little pond, under some greenery, hidden so well no one, including the neighborhood cats, can find him.

For months, he has croaked all night every night, a loud mating call the likes of which it is hard to imagine unless you've heard it. Maybe you have.

Sometimes he makes a little "crick-et crick-et" noise. Calling his food? Other times he growls. Sometimes he purrs. Mostly he barks: "RIBbet-RIBbet BRAP-BRAP."

This frog desperately needs a girlfriend.

The noise wakes people up. The nice neighbors have offered to 'take care of it' for us ... in the middle of the night ... with industrial-strength chemicals.

Porch light on, off, makes no difference. Go outside to find him, he stops; go back in house, he resumes. Water spray the bushes with the attachment set on "firehose." He loves it. One night I carried out a little radio, hoping to Noriega him with rap music. No effect. Country. Nothing. Opera, Christian, jazz. He sang along.

The froglodyte was freaking me out. Desperate, I rashly issued a $50 bounty. My intrepid 13-year-old found him the next day. One inch long! I thought from the strength of his voice he'd surely weigh five pounds. We put him in a jar and took him to the Sacramento River, where he could look for babes on permanent vacation.

Next night at door: "Brap-BRAP."

Next day: Crafty 13 traps another frog, demands another bounty. No fool, he. We catch and release.

Next night at door: "Brap-BRAP."

The frog was sending in ringers. The real him is still out there, hiding under the gardenias, serenading for companionship every night.

I try to be patient, to enjoy the sound of nature at my doorstep. I try to think charitable thoughts. To develop a fondness for him, I decided to give him a name, like a pet. My loud pet frog, Larry. My chatty pet frog, Percy. My operatic pet frog, Throaty Toady. Froghorn Leghorn. London Frog. Snog Frog. Sang Froig.

No, no, no.

Then it dawned.

The story of the persistent frog and his noisy search for affection: "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrog."

He's a literary frog. I can learn to live with that. After all, do I dare disturb the universe?

frog 6.jpg


1 comment:

  1. This is awesome. I'm in frog heaven.